I’m coming home early.
I’m coming home with a single acupuncture session as the only “treatment” I was able to do. Quite a long distance to travel for acupuncture.
I leave behind the possibilities of IV Vitamin C infusions, Hyperthermia, Immune Targeted Therapies and other integrative cancer treatments that have success treating a cancer patient as a whole.
I am leaving it behind because alternative treatments (that do have proven success) only can be done in conjunction with traditional/conventional treatments.
And that’s okay.
Yesterday I didn’t want to think it was okay. Yesterday I wanted to write a post and vent about this negative experience I had while at this supposedly “unique” cancer hospital. Yesterday I wanted to cry and I did many times. Yesterday I was reliving my initial diagnosis all over again. Fear. Doubt. Hopelessness.
But today I just won’t let it bother me. Because if I take a step back and really look at the whole facility and everyone I came in contact with (save one), this place IS a “unique” cancer treatment facility. They offer a lot of help for cancer patients who are on a journey that involves conventional cancer therapies. They try to educate on diet and lifestyle. They have organic made to order food and fresh organic juices and smoothies. They try to boost your body with natural supplements. They try stem cell therapy. They try immunotherapy. They try alternative methods in conjunction with conventional. And I’m sure they do it well.
I went here under the assumption that I could do these alternative therapies even though I wasn’t going to do chemotherapy anymore. I asked on the phone before I came if this would be a “waste of my time”. The nurse I spoke to assured me that it wouldn’t, even if chemo wasn’t something I wanted to do. It was a miscommunication and I let it frustrate me yesterday.
But it doesn’t have to. Life doesn’t always go the way we want it to. I’ve spent a lot of my life frustrated at my health. I’ve spent a lot of my life angry at all the appointments and medicine and treatments I’ve had to go through before cancer.
It doesn’t help.
I was told a few weeks ago by a friend that “I’ve been given a raw deal”.
A year ago I would have agreed with him. Now, I don’t. I haven’t been given a raw deal. I’ve been given a life. I’m 34 years old. I’m married to an amazing woman. I have 2 beautiful children that I love so much. I have a career. I work for and with some really, really great people. My bosses are both amazing people. I have a home. I have family and friends. I have a lot more than most people have.
And I have many more years to be alive. And I’m thankful for everything I have and everything I’ve been through. Even cancer.
A pastor at the facility talked with me and prayed with me. We cried a lot. I shared with him what I’m going through and he listened. He told me something that so many people have told me before, but it was the way he said it.
“Michael, God wants me to tell you that this isn’t your fault. None of this is your fault.”
I needed to hear that today.
I need to let go of things I constantly tell myself I did to cause my cancer. I need to realize that the past is the past. I can’t change it or obsess over it. I have to move forward.
This experience was a good experience for me. It wasn’t what I expected it to be, but it helped me.
You can either move on from your past or let it affect your present. I choose to move on. I needed to experience this and I hope others who ever choose CTCA know that it is a great cancer hospital for anyone on their individual cancer journey.
I am ready to come home and up my nutrition, up my supplements and up my alternative therapies and continue to fight cancer.
I beat cancer today.
I’ll do even better tomorrow.
I am greater than cancer.