When Nothing is Sure, Everything is Possible.

I’ve been having a great holiday break with my family and haven’t been able to update on my health. Honestly, not too much has changed since Chicago. It’s hard to get into some of these doctor offices that offer the alternative therapies because of scheduling. I’ve been trying to start IV Vitamin C with Mistletoe Therapy at an office in Ann Arbor, but doing all this during December is tough. I’m also starting Hyperbaric Oxygen soon as well. Other than that I’ve been living one day at a time and staying as positive as I can. I’ve had some up and down moments, but all is well.

A brief re-recap on Chicago

The trip to Chicago really stressed me out. That’s what happens when a lot of doctors say you can’t beat Stage 4 Cancer and you’re going to die. Their ultimate goal would be to keep me alive until 2020, when new colon cancer drugs become available. However, when asking if I’ll make it to 2020 on bi-weekly (or tri-weekly) FOLFOX, they said I most likely wouldn’t. Advanced Colon Cancer doesn’t respond too well to chemo, and even though you can see initial shrinking of tumors, prognosis of living isn’t very good. And living while on IV chemo every couple weeks for four years isn’t going to last very long. They are still running some genetic tests on my original tumor to see if I quality for immunotherapy. These tests are still not completed, but I’ll have an answer soon. The good that happened in Chicago would be the time I spent with a naturopath oncologist who gave me a lot of great advice and additional therapies I can research.

Christmas Blues

I had a great Christmas. I had looked forward to Christmas since March and I enjoyed every last minute of it. I even was able to keep Heather from tearing down the Christmas decor clutter for 2 days after Christmas… definitely a record.

However, I noticed the day after Christmas through New Years Day I was in a cancer funk. I made it to a milestone I set for myself, but after it passed I felt a little empty inside. Here I was looking forward to this special day and afterwards… I still had cancer. I know it sounds stupid, but I didn’t realize the downer I’d feel after Christmas passed. Life doesn’t stop. Cancer doesn’t just go away. It sucks. I felt like I was starting all over again in the fight.

On December 31st, I couldn’t sleep so I just paced the house talking out loud, trying to rationalize things. “Tomorrow is a new year. The most important year of my life. I’m literally making life and death decisions. How am I going to beat this disease? Will this natural therapy work for me? Will I ever go conventional again and deal with what chemo will do to me? Are there more therapies I don’t know about? Should I go to a clinic outside of the United States? How will I raise money for a clinic if I have to go that route? How’s this all going to end? What are we going to do? Will Heather and the kids be okay?”

I had so many fearful thoughts and then I remember seeing a post on my friend Ryan’s facebook page who is fighting cancer too. It said, “Embrace Uncertainty”. I changed my thoughts. I just kept pacing and talking and saying positive things. Healing things.

I have no answers. There isn’t a single way to heal cancer. The exact same cancer treated by the exact same protocol in two different people will yield two different results. It’s a complicated and possibly misunderstood disease. Cancer is this ugly beast that turns worlds upside down and I hope everyone fighting it beats it. But the truth is not everyone will. There is no way to know if I’ll beat this disease. I just have to be thankful for every day I’m here and stop trying to have an answer for things that don’t have an answer. I just have to live one day at a time and make the best decisions I can make.

“When Nothing is Sure, Everything is Possible.” – Margaret Drabble

Now what?

Well, I already mentioned I want to try IV Vitamin C with Mistletoe. Here’s a good article about it. It’s a treatment using the European model of fighting cancer.

I’ve also looked into something called Insulin Potentiation Therapy. IPT is a true Stage IV alternative cancer treatment. It uses a combination of two orthodox drugs – insulin (actually insulin is also found in nature) and a chemotherapy drug. Cancer cells have highly active insulin receptors. With IPT the insulin works on the cell membranes and allows chemotherapy to target cancer cells. Thus, it is the chemotherapy that kills the cancer cells, however, because of the insulin, the amount of chemotherapy needed is greatly reduced, meaning the side-effects of the chemotherapy are greatly reduced. Thus, the chemotherapy is much more potent (thus the word: potentiation), much less chemotherapy is needed, and far less side-effects are experienced. Insulin is truly a “magic bullet” cancer treatment, meaning it allows chemotherapy to target cancer cells and results in far less side-effects.

And there’s always those genetic tests that I’m STILL waiting on. Immunotherapy is still one of the best options I have, if I’m allowed to do it. Jimmy Carter was in the news recently for having beat his stage 4 cancer and he did it through new immunotherapy treatments. The idea of immunotherapy isn’t new, but it usually comes after chemo doesn’t work and only if they can prove it can work for your specific cancer. I think that’s a backwards way of thinking. I’d try to boost the immune system and teach it to seek out and kill cancer before I poison the body, but that’s just me.

I’m also reading two fantastic books about Spontaneous Remission. One is called “Dying to Be Me” by Anita Moorjani and the other is called “Radical Remissions”. “Dying to Be Me” is a story about a woman from Hong Kong who feared cancer her whole life and ended up getting cancer. She did everything to fight it but in the end she went into a coma, here organs shut down, she had a near death experience, and then she came back to life. Within 5 days, all her tumors reduced by 70% and within 5 weeks she was cancer free. She is one of the many Radical Remissions that doctors cannot explain. Here is a TEDx video of her telling her story. Her account of the near death experience is fascinating and I believe her as she’s in medical journals. Some people might not, but how else can you explain her sudden healing from cancer? You can’t.

“Radical Remissions” is a book categorizing many stage 4 radical remission cases and what each cancer patient did to fight the disease. I haven’t read it all yet because it makes me REALLY emotional while reading it, mainly because I would do anything to be in the next release of the book. That’s exactly what I would be labeled if I beat cancer. Why do these people exist? Why does cancer suddenly at times just disappear? Are we not researching cancer the right way? These sudden unexplained cases, as the book explains, are mostly ignored by the medical profession. Why?

Moral of the Story

I have no idea if that’s what will happen. And that’s okay. I know I’m doing what I feel is my best chance to live as long as I’m supposed to live. I hope I’m supposed to live to 100, but there’s no way to know. There’s no certainty in life. We aren’t promised tomorrow. We just live every day as best we can and then try to live the next day even better. Some days we fail. Some days we succeed. But as long as we’re trying that’s all we can really do in life. Forgive. Forget. Love. And like Anita Moorjani says, “Live Fearlessly”.